Drove down to Bristol today looking for cottage furniture aka a tiny sofa for our little boat.
Bristol, the city that is scared of St. Georges flag.
Where 91 languages are spoken (92 if you include English),
There are 50 countries of birth (51 if you include England) and
45 religions are practised (Wait for it! But not including Christianity).
So imagine my joy as the route had us driving through the less salubrious part of Bristol.
It looked like 90% of the cars were being driven by people whose test probably included parallel parking camels, thus the standard of driving was (shall we say) “interesting”, and AGGRESSIVE.
Now ordinarily we alternate when driving, SWMBO likes motorways, I do urban.
Except I’ve still got a knackered knee and on a heavy manual clutch, that’s ‘OUCH’ within minutes. So today SWMBO was the nominated driver.
SWMBO is a great little defensive driver.
Quick, safe, reads the road well, and has a built in ‘idiot driver’ detector.
Not today though.
She had to mount the sidewalk to avoid getting thumped and there were so many emergency stops that I got her to park and I took over.
All this despite notices saying:-
When conditions get bad, I tend to get ‘creative’ when driving.
Add a bit of pain and I don’t suffer fools well. Especially if someone has upset SWMBO.
For example, it seems that all alien culture males cherish shiny things i.e.
Black drive shiny BMW’s, Sand drives big Mercs, Everything else top of the range Audi’s.
So when an insane Englishman TARGETS those posh flash cars blatantly trying to wreak their pride and joy, tapping the dashcam with one finger, while staring with utter contempt at them, who gives way to who? Funny that, within minutes the roads cleared.
Think it was something I said?
Only it was one heck of a drive anyway. Stop, start, roundabout after roundabout, traffic lights, ouch everytime I had to press down that clutch! Thus, once we had escaped over the border back into England, I rolled to a stop in a motorway services and SWMBO took over.
One word fits here:-
Man did I hurt and out came the heavy-duty chemicals.
Five minutes later, seat back, feet on dashboard (sorry about the sight and smell luv), I’m fast asleep aka out of it!
So SWMBO drives back, almost halves the fuel consumption as she ‘feather foots’ the gas to perfection, and wakes me up as we come home.
Moral of the story?
Never , ever, let a white female drive around an area dominated by pig ignorant alien nations. They do anything they can to intimidate a woman!
That and always have a backup plan:-
It was time, I did deliver,
and I’m pretty sure no animals
were hurt by my driving.