Conflicted Mind

Only two people in this world I have trusted completely.
One was my father, two is my wife.
He died and my wife is deeply unhappy.
As she put it tonight, our world between us is fine, our life is fine, we found a niche where we thought Nirvana had come for us. Now that has been stolen by two.
One by greed, the other by faceless politicians.

I can fix greed easily.
With the correct tools, I can fix anything.
Only there is a consequence to fixing things.
I did not know that when young, now older I do.
Except if asked by my wife I would.
Probably without a thought. Some will know what I mean.

Only I also know of consequences.
To me it doesn’t matter. I’m lost anyway.
For her to be hurt in any way, that would matter to me.

So what to do?
35 years ago I’d be night walking.
No indecision, no doubt.
But then I was alone, now I’m not.

As for faceless politics?
“Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.”
They took that shilling and title, they earn the consequences.
No one is truly innocent, just enemy in varying degrees.

Sat here in a classic relapse. Surprised I can analyse what is going on.
A good thing? Nay, good is losing I think.
My clouded mind, looking at my wife, silent tears, thinking hard.
Steel, all I see behind closed eyes is steel.
They always said ‘you return to what you know’ in times of stress.
Only would she worry or be angry if I did.
Old age is a bitch, it breeds indecision, it makes doubt.
As does the knowledge someone depends on you.
A truly powerful mind fk. is taking me to a bad place.

Chem time.
Dull the mind!   24 hours of spider friends may do it.
Only after those 24 hours the problem remains.

What then?

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