It’s still difficult for me to mix socially and yesterday I attended a wedding.
Didn’t want to, had to, and hated it.
There were two groups of people, the bride’s and the groom.
Light years apart from each other socially, in age, and of course attitude, thus staying within their comfort groups too.
Uncomfortable? You think!
I did laugh though.
The registrar went through a speech which included “Two families are now joined by marriage and will grow ever closer”.
The Berlin wall was more friendly than ‘the atmosphere of unity’ which didn’t exude from the two groups.
Anyway we had one hell of an early start, 5 am, and after a slow breakfast, walking the dog, we finished loading the car.
You’ll probably know that feeling. That “I don’t really want to go to the dentist” thought which slows every decision, every task, to a snail’s pace.
Then a four-hour drive, into heavy traffic as everyone and their dog was driving to the same place with predictable effects i.e. the roads were heavily congested.
I hate that journey anyway, and the stress was exacerbated by bad drivers, slow drivers, goat track roads, and if you name it, it probably happened.
Road rage? Yep, and it was mainly from me.
SWMBO’s mother was there, only ‘mum’ didn’t know who she was or me.
Advanced old age dementia finally taking its toll.
But such is the family dynamics, the old lady was dumped on SWMBO by her “loving” sister who got well oiled in double-quick time.
So, whoosh, one deeply unhappy SWMBO, loving of her mother, who isn’t there anymore.
Family dynamics which I hate as it always causes anguish for SWMBO which added to my discomfort as she was deeply unhappy but putting on a brave face. She also knowing that I
know her pain when looking into her eyes.
Thus we left as soon as was polite to do so within 2 hours of arriving.
Back into opposing traffic, intent on putting road miles between us and the wedding from hell, I kissed the home tarmac having wearily turned the key off at the journey’s end.
We skipped cooking and had our usual Chinese takeaway, and for me, hours of physical pain were beginning to take its toll.
Sitting in a car for 8 hours will do that to me!
Now I’ve got a very unhappy SWMBO, a grouchy dog, all three of us knackered, and once again I’m making a resolution to ‘Never go back’.
After all that preamble, it came as no surprise to me that last night the demons came calling. I knew it was a ‘dream’, hell I kept telling myself that too!
Except it wasn’t enough and a few chapters of misadventure rolled past me again.
Now, 5 h, I’m awake, still knackered, mentally and physically sore, with reaction to a night of violence.
Even better, to cap it all off, it’s raining.
Life imitating art some call that.
I was once told, “Dying young saves the disillusionment about life and the pain of growing old”. It’s taken way too long to understand that.